Saturday, 25 September 2010

Film4's frightfest season was crap

The title says it all really but I'm not gonna stop there.


I watched about three of the films on Channel 4 as some of the others I had already seen. The two I can remember were....

The House By The Cemetery
Almost fell asleep twice watching this but I thought it was well made. Too cheesy and not scary enough. Doesn't help this film has aged badly.



Vinyan
Ok this was the film that killed Film4's frightfest season for me completely
I have no idea how this film even qualify's as a horror (more like a thriller and a cheap knock off of Apocalypse Now towards the end) and I don't really care because it's rubbish whatever genre it is.
Turned it off after the 40 min rule and it fully deserved it as well.



                                                     You bloody liar!!!!!!




I think Film 4 seasons have been rubbish anyway and is just some poor marketing ploy to repeat the same films over and over again on the channel. I think the best film channel at the moment is the Horror channel as some of the films on there like Zombie Strippers are hilarious and the channel clearly knows its audience.
Anyway drugs season is starting soon on Film 4...I wonder what film will feature on that season...


                                                   ...Still wondering


So please Film 4 put some decent new films on please like you did with the foreign films in the past!!!!!!!!

This weeks reviews!!!!!

Get Him to the Greek 





Plot
A record company intern (Hill) is hired to accompany out-of-control British rock star Aldous Snow (Brand) to a concert at L.A.'s Greek Theater.

Review
For those who don't know this follows on from the film "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" but this time focuses on Aldous Snow (Russell Brand) from that film.
(Off topic remark: Think Bret Easton Ellis novels with how this franchise is going to work possibly)


                                       Yes this film pictured here is Forgetting Sarah Marshall!!!!!
                      
Well I thought the film was going to be good (As Brand saved FSM for me) but very quickly died.
It starts off with a great opening ten minutes where we have a on set report of Aldous Snow music video "African child" (which is funny as hell) followed by the criicism and failure of that song around the world. Also the break up with his gf/wife Jackie Q (Rose Byrne).

                                            Jackie Q video was also funny as hell
                                
But after an hour I start looking to my watch and I'm thinking to myself  "Is the end coming or what" as like with Judd Apatow films in the past ,towards the end the audiance have to learn a lesson out of this as if we are all fucking idiots.


The highlight though was the "Jeffery" scene which I won't ruin for you. Jonah Hill was another negative as well as his character wasn't well written and Jonah Hill is crap anyway.


Final word.
Decent film to be fair but ruined towards the end beacuse of Judd Apatow. Exact same failure as the film "Knocked Up" and he has clearly not learn't from past mistakes.




Knight and Day

Plot
June Havens (Cameron Diaz)  finds her everyday life tangled with that of a secret agent Roy (Tom Cruise) who has realized he isn't supposed to survive his latest mission. As their campaign to stay alive stretches across the globe, they soon learn that all they can count on is each other.

                         Oh what a surprise it's a film where Tom Cruise is riding a motorcycle again

Review
It was Ok very over the top, dragged on a bit at times and clearly a marmite film from what I saw.
Thought Cruise and Diaz carried the film well with a very cheesy script and I have no idea why James Mangold decided to direct this, as I felt his talent was wasted in this film.
Peter Sarsgaard was good support in it but Paul Dano was very annoying.

Final word
Average, forgettable and at times fun with good action scenes but only worth watching once with your brain firmly switched off.



Machete



Plot
After being betrayed by the organization who hired him, an ex-Federale launches a brutal rampage of revenge against his former boss.

                                        Hmmm...I wonder why he's called Machete?

Review
I enjoyed it and I was expecting to be disapointed due to a good film trailer released on the net, that looked like to me they were showing the best parts of the film.


I was wrong and this film ticked all the boxes for me fun, sexy, fresh and hilarious. The cast in this is fantastic with Jessica Alba, Lindsey Lohan, Steven Seagal and Robert De Niro all great in it.


                                                          Now thats a cast!!!!!!

Thought Robert Rodriguez previous Grindhouse film Planet Terror was better mind and The Expendales was better than this, but I enjoyed it and easily passed the time.

Final word
Good fun not a classic but I would watch again if it was on TV.

Saturday, 18 September 2010

The 40 min rule

As I have mentioned before on this blog I have a 40 min rule with films.

"You have a rule to watching films????"

Yes rules makes us man and everything and everyone have rules, except for that silly law in one of the Lethal Weapons films where the bad guy has diplomatic Immunity and can do whatever he wants (lucky bugger).
Anyway back to the subject of the 40 min rule...

Basically when I watch a film and if I'm totally bored, angry or frustrated with it and the film  from what I can gather has no chance of getting better, I quickly check the time and if it's forty minutes or more I turn it off and declare the film rubbish.
Now to some people this is unfair as I'm calling the film rubbish or crap when I haven't seen the film in it's entirety.

Well I just didn't decide one day...Thats it I'm gonna have a forty minute rule. This is something I have noticed in films since I was a kid.
I also gave it a test run about three years ago when I started doing it (I think about ten films). Where I would watch a film and if I didn't like it after forty minutes I would either turn it off or walk out of the cinema.
But I would watch all ten films in their entirety the second time and the results were...10/10 correct I made the right decision. One of them being Peter Jackson's King Kong which to be fair was a marmite film but if you are gonna watch King Kong make sure you watch the original, as it's a cracking film.

So there you go it works (well for me anyway) and I did a proper scientific analysis on the method and got a 100% success rate.

So any filmmakers there reading this...You have been warned.



This weeks reviews!!!!!

Jackass Number Two


Plot
None

Review (Half assed tbh...actually not even that)

It's the TV show on the big screen...What else is there to say.

Ok Ok it has no plot, everyone plays themselves in it and it is brainless fun but I like it, so there.


Zatoichi


Plot
Zatoichi is a 19th century blind nomad who makes his living as a gambler and masseur. However, behind this humble facade, he is a master swordsman gifted with a lightning-fast draw and breathtaking precision. While wandering, Zatoichi discovers a remote mountain village at the mercy of Ginzo, a ruthless gang-leader. Ginzo disposes of anyone who gets in his way, especially after hiring the mighty samurai ronin, Hattori, as a bodyguard. After a raucous night of gambling in town, Zatoichi encounters a pair of geishas--as dangerous as they are beautiful--who've come to avenge their parents' murder. As the paths of these and other colorful characters intertwine, Ginzo's henchmen are soon after Zatoichi. With his legendary cane sword at his side, the stage is set for a riveting showdown.

Review
I have no idea how this film is considered a classic as at times it really dragged for me.
Also found the fight scenes quite poor and the slow motion was very annoying. The film was also incredibly slow as I think it clocked in at about 2 hours but felt like three hours. 

The characters in it were nothing special and very predictable but I liked the slapstick humor (clearly inspired by the Carry On films I sarcastically thought to myself at one point) when they are getting sliced to death by Tadanobu Asano and Takeshi Kitano who are kick ass Samurais in this (Well one is a Ronin).


Final judgement well made (well it is Takeshi Kitano ffs) but not enough substance to make a film.

Saturday, 11 September 2010

This weeks reviews!!!!!

Agora
An historical drama set in Roman Egypt (bit fucking obvious by the poster tbh) that focuses on the philosopher, mathematician Hypatia
I was recommended this by film 24 on the BBC news channel last week and I'm now wondering why they thought it was DVD of the week.
It is painfully boring, baggy and lacking any interesting characters for a two hour film (yes even Hypatia was boring in this)
Well made considering its not on a blockbuster budget like Inception or Children of Men but no substance here to keep me interested.
The religion and science element of the film was badly explored and added no heart or meaning to the film. I think there were more historical mistakes in this film than Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor (Ouch).
Rachel Weiz (can't remember how to spell her surname even though it's technically Aronofsky and I cant be arsed to google it) was useless as usual.
At the end of the day it has it's prioritys right in terms of subject but completely lacks execution.


MacGruber

My God I fucking hated this film
It's apparently based on a SNL (Saturday Night Live show in America, it use to be good but now it's shit apparently) sketch and as you can see on the poster its suppose to be a comedy but I didn't laugh once. I mean you know it's gonna be shit five mins in when they call the bad guy Dieter Von Cunth...yes the last name is pronounced Cunt...Everyone watching the film are now rolling their eyes and thinking to themselves "Why did I pay £7.20 for this shit"


Please ignore the reviews on the poster as they are clearly journalists who have had their reviews bought for by the makers of the film. Ain't Cool News are well known for this as Harry Knowles is a fat annoying sell out.

I turned it off after the 40 min rule (this rule I will talk more about in a post of it's own soon) but my God I wanted to turn it off sooner and break my own rule.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

New Blu-Ray films have arrived!!!!!

Two new Blu-Ray's have arrived from Play.Com

Fight Club

Inglorious Basterds

Got both for 18 quid on Play.com's offer which I would recommend to anyone and Fight Club is glorious on Blu Ray

 http://www.play.com/DVD/Blu-ray/3-/297282/2-/Promo.html

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

God bless Youtube movie spoofs


We have all seen them and we have all laughed at them, but we very quickly forget it's an art in it's own right and like all art should have their own award ceremony for.

So without further delay

The YouTube movie spoof awards

5. The Robocop rap
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUnMF7dV86k
4. American Psycho the musical
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUUA2j5tqUg
3.Taff Wars
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPM1v2nUkWA
2. Avatar sex
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D8IRIYBSnk
1. How it should have ended and I couldn't pick one as a winner but I posted the latest one, which is Inception.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBAuMpOpSnA

We have lift off!!!!!!


Hello and welcome to my film blog where I talk about...well films obviously but on special occasions I will talk about games and sport etc.

For those who don't know me my favourite film is Memento, hence why I chose my blog name "It's beer o'clock, and I'm buying" which is said by the character Teddy in Memento.



I'm totally new to this blogging thing so bear with me as I'm just finding my feet and I have loads of things to say about films.



So without further delay my first blog...